So, you let yourself down, and that’s a hard pill to swallow. But swallow that pill you must.
Allow it to be the first step – a remedy of awareness, towards seeing the ways that perhaps you dimmed your light;
kept your silence;
broke your promise;
lost your way.
Swallow that pill, and allow it to assist you in facing your feelings not numbing them. Feel all the feelings that may arise… sadness, frustration, anger, despair, disappointment, disillusionment etc. without allowing shame or guilt…for there is no room for either of those in the process.
So, you let yourself down. So what? Are you not human? Is this not part of the human journey? How can you grow? How can you evolve if you avoid looking at the missteps you’ve made -whether those missteps caused a minor detour or a major roadblock- examining the reason you veered off-course, is always worth the pause, the reflection.
So, you let yourself down, and you have an important choice to make in this moment. You can choose to be your worst enemy. You can beat yourself up, criticize, condemn and judge yourself. Or you can choose instead to be your own best friend and see yourself through God’s eyes, where only love, compassion and understanding will ever be reflected back.
I hope you choose option B.
So, you let yourself down, you swallowed the pill and allowed yourself the time and space to process through the feelings. You yielded to the emotions and granted them access to move through, as they are meant to (emotions=energy in motion). Maybe you felt quick relief and were able to get back on track fairly easily, transmuting those emotions into wisdom gained. Or perhaps you needed a bit more time, support or another to witness your process. Either way…bravo. You faced the music. You faced yourself. Now what?
Will you let yourself down again? Maybe. Maybe not. Do you have a crystal ball to predict your future? (if you do, I would like to borrow please). So why ruminate any longer?
For now, perhaps you can be at peace with the knowledge that you’re human, you will continue to make mistakes and letting yourself down is just one example. You’re human, you will continue to learn, to grow, to evolve through every misstep. Making the time and choice to “course-correct” with intention, instead of operating on auto-pilot with blinders on, will always be worth the effort. Ponder the possibility that maybe, when faced with the potential of repeating that misstep somewhere down the road, you’ll stop yourself and remember the wisdom you gained from the last time. And you’ll choose from that wiser, more empowered place.
A quote by Maya Angelou sums it up succinctly. You’re probably familiar with its straightforward, simple (not easy) advice: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
I would add my own words: “Recognize the times you have ‘done better’, give yourself the credit you deserve, and keep moving courageously forward. Chin up.”