The ‘firsts’ are the worst when you are grieving the loss of a loved one.
The first morning that you awake and realize your loved one is really gone.
The first day after all of the services and ritualistic goodbyes are over…day 1 of your new “normal.”
The first time you reach for the phone to send them a message or a phone call, and then it hits you.
The first time you walk into a room or a place where your loved one had spent a lot of their time and you wonder to yourself, “How can they not be here?”
The first time you hear that song on the radio – the one with the lyrics that pierce your heart.
The first birthday – whether it be yours or theirs.
The first time you hear their voice again, perhaps in a voicemail message or a family video.
The first time you see that object or have that experience that reminds you of them. For me, it will be flowers, the murmur of swallows, owls, putting on lipstick, sunsets, whoopie pies, the beach, and so many more, I’m sure.
The first milestone that you or your family move through, whether it be a wedding, graduation, or the birth of a new child when their absence will be deeply felt.
The first time a new acquaintance asks about your family and you have to speak of your loved one using the past tense.
The first time that you dream of your loved one and the feeling when you awake, wishing you could fall back to sleep and be with them again.
The first holidays. Oh, how the first holidays can be so, so difficult. The celebrating is just never the same, though you will do your best to make it so.
The first funeral you attend after your loved one is gone, that will undoubtedly dredge up all of those painful memories.
The first time you see their name etched upon their tombstone.
The first anniversary of their death.
There is no doubt about it. There is no way around it. The only way is through it.
The “firsts” are the worst.
But I promise you, there will be other “firsts” that bring a bit of relief…
The first time that you find yourself looking at their picture with a smile on your face instead of tears rolling down.
The first time that you hear that song – the one that stirs up happy memories – and perhaps you’ll even find yourself singing along.
The first time that you relate a favorite memory that you shared, and can do so with strong voice and full heart.
When the next loss knocks at your doorstop, undoubtedly, you will relive these “firsts” and you will summon the strength to move through them. Your weathered heart reminding you that loss is a part of life, and that life is a precious gift, indeed.