Validation. When I looked up the definition of this word, here is one of the entries I found: recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are worthwhile. So often in our lives, we seek this validation-this approval, this confirmation that we are “good enough,” “smart enough,” “wealthy enough” and the list goes on and on. I believe that for many, the one that creeps up and blocks us the most is this one… “am I worthy enough?”
We seek this validation starting at the earliest age, wanting approval from our parents, caregivers, teachers, peers, family members, co-workers and the broader society. Sometimes we receive this validation. Often times we do not. What I believe is truly at the heart of this matter is the need to know love. To know that we are loved for who we are.
We have been taught that in order to find this affirmation of love, we need to receive it outside of ourselves. The society in which we live propagates this fallacy. We live in a world in which we are constantly bombarded with the message that unless we measure up to “the Jones’” “the Smiths,” the model on the magazine cover, the _____ (fill in the blank), we haven’t arrived. Unless we pull ahead of the pack, collect the most toys and produce the “most successful” children, then we may as well throw in the towel and call it a day.
What I’ve come to know-and what’s taken me most of my life to reach this realization-is that ultimately the only source of validation that will ever touch the depths of my soul, is the validation I receive that reminds me that my presence in another’s life has made a difference. It’s not the acts I perform, so much as the energy I impart in doing so. The energy that any action I take, that is infused with love is the spark that ignites that feeling of love within the heart of another. We all have this “spark of love.” We all have the capability to ignite the flame of love, true love in its purest form, found within each and every individual. What prevents a person from recognizing that spark within? Most often it’s the little voice (otherwise known as the “ego mind”) with its relentless chatter and incessant desire to keep one “safe” and keep one “boxed in” conforming to what they “should” be doing, feeling, having, etc. I have heard ego referred to as edging God out. I’m not sure where I first heard this phrase, possibly from my all-time favorite spiritual teacher, Wayne Dyer. I think it sums up the ego mind so perfectly. When we allow the “ego mind” the “monkey mind” free reign within us, then it does exactly that. It removes God from the equation as we seek validation from every other source and leaves God as some distant, far-off judge of us and our character. This is so far from the true picture of God, in my opinion.
“God/Source/Universe/Higher Power” (whatever term you use) is perfect, pure love. I think most would agree to this. Let’s take this one step further. You are a piece of God. “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” (Genesis 1:27) So bridging these two acceptances, that only leaves one summation: “You are perfect.” Now before you roll your eyes, and give me a “yah, right,” let me explain. I’m not talking about “you the human.” I’m talking about “you the spiritual essence” inside that physical body of yours (which I would argue is also perfect). The perfect essence within us, that beautiful divine spark, has been covered in so much muck that we’ve accumulated over the years, that it’s often hard to see that spark. How do we uncover our spark, our treasure, the ability to shine our essence and ignite that same spark within others? We go within. We go within and painstakingly remove that muck, by removing all the false beliefs we have accepted about ourselves. The false beliefs we accepted from outside sources and from society at large.
I won’t lie to you and pretend that this is an easy process, and I won’t claim I’ve reached that place where I’ve removed every last particle of debris, for that would be untrue. I can tell you, however, that I have reached a beautiful place within myself, where I can allow that spark to shine more brightly than ever before. The first step for me in this process, was accepting that I am one with God, and that “oneness” is what gives me the strength and courage to shine my light. Another huge component in this process is seeing the gifts that are endless in my life. As I write these words, sitting on my back deck on a glorious summer morning, I see examples of these gifts all around me. These particular gifts are those provided by Mother Nature (bless her soul). The gifts in nature are abundant, and never cease to amaze me. When was the last time you sat and watched a bee traverse a flower bed, marveled at a sunset or thanked a tree? I believe-and I’ve been guilty of this too- that we take the spectacles in nature for granted. This includes our own self. We are part of this magnificent and vast creation, and our beauty-once uncovered-is more radiant than anything we could view with our limited five senses.
The process of uncovering our true beauty, our divine essence, our magnificence, is a process as varied as the individual. I believe we will all reach that place of “uncovering” and true acceptance. I also believe that we can assist the speed at which this happens for others, just by finding and shining our authenticity into this world and infusing that into our everyday actions. The result, when we do this on a consistent basis, striving to keep our thoughts positive and our actions heart-centered is that we end up receiving that validation that we at one time so desperately craved. Often this happens in the most unexpected ways.
This was my experience recently. Within the span of one week, I received three messages of validation, from three different people, using three different forms of communication(the magic of the number 3 – a topic for a different day). Three co-workers (one whom I haven’t worked with for a number of years and two who left at the end of this school year) all expressed their appreciation for the opportunity to work alongside me. They mentioned my “humor,” “wisdom,” “strength,” and “positive perspective.” Needless to say, I was floored and in a puddle of tears. That these women took the time to express their gratitude, and in doing so, confirm for me that I am making a difference, was HUGE! They received my “spark of love” and in return provided me with even more fuel to keep my fire burning strong. I love these beautiful souls and I thank them from the bottom of my heart.
I share this story, not from the space of “ego,” but rather from the space within the center of my soul. My hope is that in doing so, it reminds you of your true beauty underneath all the masks and the muck. I invite you to remove those masks, and that muck, once and for all so that you can shine your authentic self out into this world that so desperately needs your uniquely perfect spark of love.