Grief is one of those concepts that I feel cannot be adequately defined. What I have come to know, is perhaps what grief is not. I know for certain that grief is not something with clear boundaries. It is not something that can be neatly tucked into a box and placed in the back of a closet to be dealt with at a “better time”.
Grief is like the ocean, vast and deep. Its waters cannot be held back and neither should grief. If you try to prevent grief from its true nature and purpose, then just like the ocean, it will find a way to seep through and your efforts will be not only futile, but exhausting.
What grief will surely do is similar to what the ocean waves will do. Grief will crash down upon you and knock you off your feet, leaving you gasping for air. Then, like the waves, it will gently retreat… just long enough for you to catch your breath again.
It has been said that “time heals all wounds” and grief is one of the deepest wounds one can experience. While I don’t necessarily believe that this is true, I do know that with the passing of time, the interlude between the crashing and the receding of the grief waves will increase. That’s not to say that you won’t still have those moments when grief will come out of nowhere and knock you down almost as powerfully as it did in the beginning.
I believe that what grief asks of you is what the ocean beckons you to do. Dive in. Initially, you’ll put your toe in and the shock of the cold water will cause you to want to retreat. But continue in and pretty soon you will find the temperature somewhat bearable. You will feel yourself getting pulled in and surrendering to the process. When you let go completely, there is no doubt that you will be submerged into the darkness. And though for a second, you will doubt your ability to make it out, you will. You will rise above the surface where the sun can once again shine upon your face.
With courage, you can let go and float in the grief allowing its vastness to hold you. When you do this, you will be tethered to your loved one, whose essence will be there floating beside you.
Allow that grief. Feel it completely. Let it move through you. Let it wash over you. Embrace the process, as difficult it is and know that you will be held in love and supported every step of the way.